Becoming Your Child’s Teacher

I was talking with a couple of friends the other day by way of the app Marco Polo…you know how you do when everyone is spread across the country and in various time zones? Well, they both asked, in a round about way, “How do you teach your kids all day and not loose it with them? I don’t have that kind of patience!” You see, these two sweet mamas, like so many others, were looking at what they had been doing since mid-March and realizing that it was just not something they could maintain long term. They were telling me how their kids “need someone else to teach them” and that their kids, good kids, wouldn’t listen when they tried to step in and give instruction when it pertained to school. They wanted to know how I ever get my kids to listen when it comes to school. I will say that I am definitely at an advantage in that regard because my kids have never seen the inside of a classroom. They have always seen me as the authority figure when it comes to their education. That certainly doesn’t mean I always get the respect that I know I deserve…no matter what degree I hang on the wall! But, it is an advantage and it is where I think, I pray, I can bring hope to those of you who are choosing to bring your kids home even if these last few months of distance learning were anything but joy-filled.

When you look back over the last few months of distance learning, what did it look like? Did a teacher give a list of assignments that needed to be completed? Did your child meet with their teacher via zoom (or some other platform) to receive instruction and then get sent off to complete the assignment as they were taught? And then was the assignment sent back to the teacher to receive approval (a grade)? Do you see the pattern? The teacher, not you, was the educational authority. This is done out of necessity from the time your child walks into their first classroom. If the teacher doesn’t establish that authority, imagine what that classroom would look like. So, from the very beginning your child is being taught that the teacher is the educational authority, you are not.

It’s similar to how my kids view their piano teacher or coaches in sports. I could make a suggestion about how to improve something and they brush it off like I haven’t a clue. Then, the next day, the piano teacher or coach says the EXACT SAME THING and it’s like the light comes on or angels sing and the kid says “Oh wow! I never thought of that!”. Are you kidding?? But, that’s exactly my point. I don’t have the authority in those areas. The piano teacher or coach does.

It is going to take some time and a bit of effort to turn this ship…but it can be done. This struggle is not uncommon. It’s happened to so many that I’ve talked to during this season. As they share their frustrations, they often conclude with “I just don’t have the patience.” Friend, there’s no secret formula that homeschool families possess. Homeschool moms (or dads) have no special gifting of patience, or creativity, or organization, or fill-in-the-blank. We are all driven by the same desire to do what’s best for our kids! You can do this! You can homeschool your kids.

The first thing you’ll want to remember as you step out into this new adventure is that this is not distance learning, nor does it have to look just like the classroom your kids are used to. Give yourself grace…lots of grace. If you don’t finish an assignment “on time”, thats ok! If you happen to miss a subject because…well, life; that’s fine too. You can catch it the next day. You’re the teacher. You’re doing what’s best for your kids and sometimes that means less is more, especially at the start.

Something that is common among homeschoolers and I think would be especially helpful for those new to homeschooling is developing a routine or, as one of my good friends puts it, a rhythm. This is not to be confused with a strict schedule, like for example: for 53 minutes we do math or from this time to this time we do English. This is more of just finding your groove. Starting each of your days with the same thing is a good way to do this. I know families that start their days with a read-aloud or their own individual quiet time/devotional time. It’s whatever works for your family. During the school year, we start each day with breakfast followed immediately with Bible Study all together. The kids know that this is our unofficial start to the school day and it sets the tone and gets everyone in the right frame of mind. Kids like to know what’s coming and developing a routine or rhythm gives them that sense of safety and security that they crave.

As I said earlier, from the time they entered their first classroom, your kids have seen you as the parent and they’ve had a person completely separate from you who was their teacher. Have you ever heard your child say, “No, you’re not doing it right…That’s not how Mrs. So-and-so does it!” This is where you are going to have to reprise the role of teacher. I have been told by parents who remove their kids from school to homeschool that they often have to make a very distinct separation between “mom” and “teacher” until the kids have realized that mom really does hold the authority in this situation. I had a friend tell me once that whenever she was “doing school” with her young daughter, she would wear a tiara and then take it off again when she was back to being “just mom”. I’m not really the tiara type, maybe you aren’t either, but you could use anything, really. Even physical location. Like, “when we are working at this table, I’m the teacher”. Or “when the books come out of the closet, I’m the teacher”. You follow? I think I might go for one coffee cup with Teacher on it and another with Mom written across it. Just a thought.

As you continue on this journey, there will come a point when you’ll find that this distinction needs to be made less and less and eventually, if you stick with it, it won’t even be a thought anymore. Mom and teacher will become one and the same. Your kids will never talk back and they will obey your every word…IF ONLY!! They’re still kids and homeschooling doesn’t change that. I can’t promise that you won’t get push-back from time to time, but, I do think that eventually everyone will settle into their “new normal”…whatever that is. You can do this! You can homeschool your kids.