The S-word of Homeschooling: Socialization

If you ask any homeschooler what topic they get asked about most often, I’m willing to bet it has something to do with socialization. I have been asked countless times by well-meaning & concerned friends, family, acquaintances and, yes, even strangers about my children’s socialization (or apparent lack there of). There are usually two concerns people have, one, if kids aren’t in school, how will they learn to behave appropriately around other people, and two, if kids aren’t in school, how will they ever make friends? If I’m honest, I never really gave it much thought UNTIL people started asking me about it. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that it really is a non-issue all the way around.

So the first concern. If kids aren’t in school, how will they learn to behave appropriately around other people? The first thing I’d like to say about this question is that sometimes it can be interpreted as “If my kids don’t go to school, won’t they turn out to be some kind of weirdo?” Let me put your mind at ease (maybe)…Your kid will be as weird as you are. Have you ever heard the saying, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?” Well, there’s truth in that and putting your kids in school or homeschooling them won’t change that. So, if you’re raised by weird parents (I’m speaking to my people right now), it’s time to embrace the weirdness!

All weirdness aside, a person’s ability to interact with others is an important skill. Now, I don’t know about you, but generally speaking, we don’t encourage our kids act like lunatics while they are in our home, much less out in public, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen from time to time. There are occasions when I feel like I’m literally eating dinner with a bunch of squirrels that can’t sit still or chew with their mouths closed, but I think I’d be hard pressed to find one single home (that has actual children in it) that doesn’t face a similar situation now & then. That’s why parents teach their kids to use their best manners, be respectful and polite and how to carry a conversation. I would argue that these particular life (or social) skills are best taught in the home or while out in the community together. Have you ever observed a lunch room in a school setting or talked with a cafeteria worker? As a former public school teacher, I can tell you, kids aren’t learning appropriate behavior there!

Also, as you take advantage of the ability to get out & about in your community, you will find lots of natural opportunities to allow your kids to interact with people of all different ages, backgrounds and personalities. Because my kids get dragged along on most of my errands, they have watched how I interact with others and as a result, my two oldest can interact appropriately with all sorts of people from infants to the elderly. When we’re out, I will encourage them to ask store employees themselves if they have a question or speak to the librarian directly when they can’t find what they’re looking for. When my daughter (who was 9 at the time) needed to take her leopard gecko to the vet, she was the one who talked with him, took notes and asked questions. None of these experiences required the kids to be in a classroom in order to learn “how to interact appropriately with others”.

So, to answer the question, “If kids aren’t in school, will they ever learn to behave appropriately around other people?” The answer is: absolutely, yes.

The second question. If kids aren’t in school, how will they ever make friends? I am not a sarcastic person and truth be told, I really don’t like sarcasm at all, but when a lady informed me that she could never homeschool because her child “likes to have friends”, it took a mighty work to keep the snarky comments from leaving my mouth. You see, my kids and most homeschool kids that I know are at no loss for friendships. Besides the true friendships they have with their siblings, they meet other kids in their neighborhoods, while participating in sports, at homeschool get togethers or on field trips and at church. The friendships that my kids value the most are built around common interests & values. All three have found their best friends at church, sports or a combination of the two. Of course there have been seasons when one will feel lonely or left out and like they don’t have any friends but I’ve had conversations with mom friends whose kids are in school and they too have seasons when they feel the same way.

Outside friendships are so important and valuable and I am thankful beyond words for the friends that God has brought into each of my kids’ lives but even more I’m thankful for the friendships that I have watched grow between all of my kids. My prayer is that as they grow up, they will be each other’s closest friends. That they will be able to count on one another when things are difficult and celebrate together each other’s successes. It goes back to one of the most important reasons of why we homeschool, the relationships within our family.

So in my humble opinion, the homeschooling issue of socialization is really no issue at all.